At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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