Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
