I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
