your thong is hanging out like whoa
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
