I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
