My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
