I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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