I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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