We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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