Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When are your genitals available?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
