he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
