dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
