I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
