i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
