Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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