so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
