Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
