Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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