who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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