he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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