Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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