just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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