We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So vagazzling was a success
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
