Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
