Can i not drive my cunt home
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
