We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
