just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
