i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
