my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize