I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
