you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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