At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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