i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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