yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
