I bet he comes in French.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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