oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
