i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
