Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
