weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
