Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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