haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
