maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
