So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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