mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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