Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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