is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
