No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
