she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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