P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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