I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just invented taco cereal.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
