let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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