How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sarcasm needs its own font
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
