Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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