...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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