but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
