I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
