You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
