By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
