You just made me feel so damn special
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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