She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
